Friday, July 10, 2009

An Empty Moment Exhausted


Builds, breaks, shifts, re-builds.


Calls for justice, unheard!

A lot of things happened. A lot of coincidences. A lot of realisations, most of them were re-realisations, though! A lot of patient and persevernt actions, which I pursued without people's support, finally paid off. Paid off well, mind you! A lot of people, including, my better half, told me that I shouldn't give importance to a person who wants to shun me away; I shouldn't keep knocking on someone's door, when it's shut on my face everytime; I shouldn't keep respecting a person who always insults me like shit. But I kept trying, I kept trying, and finally, the person has yielded to me. I can't call it an achievement, I can't boast of it. This person has made me grow up, I am too indebted to complain. I'm glad, period.

I know I am never gonna be someone great. I could have been, though. But I can't be immune to love, therefore, I'm gonna go to the docks. When I look ten years into the future, I see myself a Dev-D mimc. Drugs, alcohol etc. All day, each day. But, if the impossible happens, I get the money for the surgery, I get a "soulmate", who's a "room-mate" too, I might be a low-key poet, or alow-key painter, or a low-key film-maker. I know I'll be into something creative. Because discipline pisses me off, and any other form of work would require discipline, even if I'm self-employed. I'll be low-key, because I ain't that talented enough. I love writing, but I know a 50 others who write better than me! I love painting, but I know a 50 other guys who paint better than me! It's not depressing, because, I have lost the desire to be the best, long ago. I am, as my better half says, a jack of all trades, master of none! I take an interest in everything, I don't sharpen myself at any of it. I am happy as long as I have work to do, work given to me, by me, myself.

But, there are short-lived moments when I wish I could just be great at studies, get a high-paid job in the UN, or any MNC, work a lot, projects, presentations and all, earn a lot, and just pursue other stuff in my leisure. But, they are short-lived. The slightest of disturbances make me realise, I mean, re-realise, that all that wishful thinking is nothing but media-influenced shit. I don't want all that.

What I am doing here? Since I haven't got AdWords here, I'm not even going to get paid for blogging. I just wanted to write something; anything, to while away time. I'll be leaving for a weekend at Durgapur, withing a few hours. I need to kill time, somehow.

I could have studied, right? With my exams going on, that would be the sensible thing to do. Heck! I love studying, but not when things such as exams make it a compulsion. That's the problem with me. I love doing everything, as long as they ain't compulsory for me to do!

Who cares! I'm on the wrong, I know. But all men ain't destined to succeed. Some need to fail, in order to build a base for comparisons, when judging success! I'm destined to be a loser. So that, some other mortal gets to be a winner. I can't say I don't mind. That would be a lie. But I don't think I'll sulk if I don't get to be great. I know I have made a difference to a lot of lives. And that should be enough to be proud of, for the rest of my life.

thus i

pass by

and die

as one


and gone

i'm made

a shade

and laid

i' th' grave

there have

my cave

where tell

i dwell


[Copied from someone's profile]


La vache est malade said...

" Heck! I love studying, but not when things such as exams make it a compulsion. That's the problem with me. I love doing everything, as long as they ain't compulsory for me to do!"
Can hear myself speak. Have been through this stuff with myself and with others over and over again.

Twisha Mukherjee said...

That's a relief!

What can make the world a better place?