Sunday, July 26, 2009

Marriages Are Made In Matrimonials

If heaven exists, then all relationships, should be made in heaven, technically speaking. But, being an atheist, I can't make myself believe in something, which I believe, is non-existent. So, if marriage is NOT made out of love, it must be made in matrimonials!

I had read this quote years ago : "You can't marry the person you love, and you can't love the person you marry". I was a love-bitten troubled teenager then. I thought to myself, yeah, that must be so right. Years later, today, after being in and out of relationships, in and out of love, in and out of family, in and out of friends circles, and all of that, innumerably, I think differently. I know that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I know that I can say "I love you" to anyone; but I can say "I'm in love with you", to one person only, the one person I'm attracted to and I'm in love with, too. So, I think, it's quite possible to love the person you marry. Even if it's an arranged marriage, the more the time you spend together, the more you start getting used to his/her presence, and the more the dependence, in short, more the love. Attraction? That depends on a various other factors. That's one issue over which I have felt being possessive in a relationship is justified. If you never allow your spouse to meet new people, or interact with new people, there's comparatively less possibilty that he/she might get attracted to someone else, and have an extra-marital affair. What one must remember is that attraction has very little to do with love. The laws of attraction often defy the laws of love. I'm not asking you to watch those movies on extra-marital relations, where the "off-track" spouse eventually returns to the "family", for the sake of love, children etc. I'm asking you to imagine yourself in the accused person's shoes. You might be in a happy and healthy relationship with someone, when you meet someone, who is like no one you've ever met before. Is it your fault? No. Is it your relationship's fault, that couldn't keep you committed? You should know, that the answer is no. Destiny is, as you shape it. But there are few things that are beyond your grasp, your mind-power. So, love always exists, no matter how troubled or less-happening a relationship might be. Love breeds with time, and attraction is an accessory to love in such cases. So, there's no need to feel that love-marriages are better than arranged marriages. If you are in love, and you can marry the person you love, of course, you should. Parents do agree with time ("time" might refer to a decade as well as a week), even the so called "society", which is treated as a fearful entity, consists of mere human beings, who, eventually forget their differences in their own course of life. So, I have nothing against love marriages. But, if you're not in love, or you can't marry the person you love for personal or impersonal reasons, you shouldn't have any problems with arranged marriages. Marriage, after all, is a way of mankind to keep itself going. Marriage isn't a necessity, not with the world already being over-populated. But marriage isn't something to be scared of. Not even if it's arranged. It's just about having one more friend, who can be more than a friend!


Soham Talukdar said...

Hmm... i really liked your Article. If you take my personal opinion though love is the undisputable secret of a happy marriage,theres something else too, its called COMPROMISATION.I personally prefer arranged marriage to love marriage,cause you dont compromise with the person you love, you demand ! but an unwritten law of arranged marriage is that you adjust with your partner,thats what makes life beautiful isnt it?

Sayantanee said...

"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry."Love is a dream and marriage is just an extension of this dream to reality.When both dream and reality comes together, it is the best thing that can ever happen to a person.Arranged marriage according to me is much of an implied relationship,where you have to "love" the person you are getting married to.There's no other way.There's no other choice.And as far as the so called "compromisation" or "adjustment"is considered,I personally feel I can't compromise or adjust to that extent for the person for whom I don't feel a thing,or for the person with whom (in your words,)i am not in love with.But,I will be ready for any amount of and any kind of compromisations for the person whom I'm in love with,to make him happy,to keep him happy.Marrying the person you love is just like taking a step ahead in life and strengthening the already strong relationship, with commitment and efforts.Well,having said all these,theres something else which i must admit,that is, Love marriage can be the best thing that can happen to anyone, only if there is effort and commitment from both the sides, but if either of the two lacks this, it can be one of the most difficult of relationships to maintain and tiffs are bound to occur.

Anonymous said...

Arranged marriages are scary... probably more so if ur the girl... I dunno how people go into it. I would just die.

Soham Talukdar said...

I really feel amused how people live in some world of utopia ,where love is a dream and and marriage is just an extension of this dream to reality.

Twisha Mukherjee said...

Firstly, there's no word such as "compromistation"; "compromise" is itself the noun form. Anyway, GB Shaw said that incorrect English is more appealing than correct English, so I shouldn't point this out. Secondly, I think Sayantani already said it, there's no scope for "demand" in love, believe me Soham. It's compromises in love too, and the compromises in love are more willingly made. You constantly try to make the larger number of sacrifices than your partner, thus making the "relationship" better. Arranged marriages are "relationships too, and thus there are compromises too, but they are made for the sake of peace, and not because you are "dying to show your love". There is a difference.
Both are beautiful, in their own way. I have seen both kind of couples, I thin both are beautiful (unless one has a extra-marital affair that had started before the marriage!)
And Sayantani, what I wanted to say is that, even if you marry "an arranged guy", you will fall in love with him in course of time, and you will start feeling for him, in course of time, so you'll start making compromises gladly then! Love can come after marriage, I know that from my parents. ;-)
Soham, it's just the way you want to see things. We are contented with the belief that love is a grossly over-rated hardly-existent emotion. If the utopian belief that love is a dream and marriage is an extension of that dream, keeps someone happy and contented, allow it too. Everyone isn't as critically and analytically thoughful like us!! ;-)

Twisha Mukherjee said...

@Crowsciousness, yeah it's scary, might be. But it might be otherwise too. We see both the types in movies!

Soham Talukdar said...

sorry for the english .

Expressjodi said...

Fertility Rituals

Marriage is one of the biggest fertility rituals Known in Indian culture. When two people get married. they are said to enter grihasta ashram where they are expected to bear children. satify their sexual urge, earn money and follow religious practices. Hindu marriages profess the idea of coming together of the energies and paving way to a new creation.

Offering of Grains

Throughout India, one thing that remains common to all communities is offring of grains in wedding ceremony. Mostly rice, puffed rice or whole grains, these grains are fed to the sacred fire in different ceremonies.

Importance of Shiva's Bael leaves

Holy Bael leaves are proffered in several ceremonies before the wedding and after it. In many communities in india, before the wedding day arrives, Bael leaves are placed in earthen pots which are topped with different kinds of cereals. After the wedding, the sprouted seedlings are then released in a flowing river or a pool. This ritual is performed to invoke blessings of Lord Shiva upon the married couple and pray for their progeny.

Vishnu's pious Lotus

As per mythology, at the time of creation of the universe, while lord Vishnu was pondering over the creation of mankind, a pious lotus rose out of his navel. On that lotus was seated Lord Brahma who paved way to the creation and illumination of the universe. Thus, lotus remains symbolic of procreation, birth and fertility. It is Therefore, offered during wedding puja to the gods to confer potency upon the couple. Also, At the time of a Hindu wedding, the bride and the groom are given the stature of Goddess Lakshmi and Lord Vishnu because they represent the eternal companionship and exemplify how a relationship between husband and wife should be.

Nose ring

Usually seen as a piece of accessory, almost all brides sport nose ring on their wedding day. In some communities, girls are told to get their nose pierced before they tie the knot.

Sacred coconut rituals

Across India, since time immemorial coconut has enjoyed its association with human fertility in a sacrosanct manner. In Gujarat, there is a ritual of bride presenting a coconut in a customary way to the groom at the time of the marriage. Here coconut is symbolic of the progency of the couple that the bridegifts the groom. Of all the fruits, coconut is most closely related to human skull because of the three marking on its base that resemble human facial features.

The mantras of virility

During saat pheras in a Hindu marriage, there are several mantras that are chanted for progency of the couple. While the first phera is for a long lasting companionship, in the second Phera, "Kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam", the bride promises the groom that she will fill his with love and will bear children of him.

The History

There was a time when potency was considered as the be all and all of all activities. The earliest ritual of fertility among Hindus can be dated back to the Harappan civilization where it has been discovered that people worshipped clay figurines of a mother goddess who represented fertility. Several phallic symbols representing gods in sitting position wearing bull's horns (Bull being a universal symbol of male potency) have also been found at the sites of indus Valley Civilization. As the world evolved and ancient civilizations paved way to the modern societies, marriage started being considered as a mandatory ceremony before women could conceive. Also, the idea of marriage was propelled by the thought of having the family legacy move ahead; so that families could get heirs.

Ahsan Amin said...

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monami chakraborty said...

A good attempt to put marriage and all related emotions in a nut shell.I personally believe that more than love or any compromise its the respect n the sense of caring matters the most in a relation.

monami chakraborty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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