I won't give excuses anymore, about not being regular on my blog. when I don't write, it's because I don't feel like writing. It doesn't necessarily mean that my mood isn't at its best. In fact, readers know, that I'm more inclined towards blogging when my mood is not at its best!
Yesterday was a good day. I'll tell you why. I thought it would be boring, and therefore, peaceful. But it wasn't boring, and therefore, not peaceful. Every moment I dared to tell myself that I am having a "beautiful" time, a phone call came and ruined it. It was miserable, yet, as Puspen says, something bad must happen in the day, to make it worth it. Yesterday, therefore, was a very, very good day.
I wanted to call Gul a large number of times, but I didn't, because I felt I'd be using her. I don't call her everytime I see something beautiful, do I? Now, I told myself, that Prinsep Ghat is all about Gul. She was the first person who made me aware of its existence. The second person who brought up Prinsep Ghat has a rather unfortunate role in my life. Anyway, I am the one who should have thanked everyone for accompanying me to Prinsep Ghat. But, instead, I made them thank me for proposing the idea!
Anyway, yesterday is past. When I started writing this post, it was mostly out of boredom, and fury. Both, because last night when I went to sleep, I had a plan of action chalked out for the whole day. When I woke up, it didn't exist anymore. The fury wasn't exactly directed at the people who were responsible for ruining my day. The fury was also directed at the "good luck" of the others involved (who weren't responsible, in any way), who made other plans no sooner, leaving me on my own. Then Criss called. He came over to my place. We had noodles together. Then I took him to Mani Square. Yeah, again, it was me who proposed it, he prefers to sit and chat, than go out, any day. Anyway, after he went home, I watched a movie at the 3D IMAX theatre over there. A Christmas Carol. I dunno if it's the movie, or the watching alone thing (after a long time) or the the cab-ride back home (alone, again), but I was having a strange feeling, which I didn't bother to analyse. I named it "peace". I can't say whether it's a good feeling, or a bad one. I can't even say if it's a positive feeling, or a negative one. All I know is the feeling that, if my mind was a canvas, no amount of colour or brush could put a mark on it. White, it would remain, no matter what. Gul sent a text, one that sounded furious, demanding to know why she had been referred to as Oxy. Someone, had given her that name, not me. And that someone, had an elder sister, who had a classmate named Oindrilla, whom, other people in the class used to call Oxy. That's how it came. Now that the first person in the previous sentence doesn't exist, I don't call her Oxy anymore. It's not that I intentionally stopped myself. Only last morning I realized that. Gul, when I called you, and you were at Nicco Park, I was with her. And, I told her, about your call, because she asked. And I referred to you as Gul. That's a first time. That's when I realised that I don't call you by the name "she" gave, anymore. You'll read this, I know. So, you'll reply in a text, soon. :)
Anyway, back home, Dad has returned from Kuala Lumpur. I am not excited to see his face, or hear his stories, he realized that. He was dejected. but I can't help it. I am at peace now. Excitement can't ruffle me. No form of excitement can ruffle me.
Words from the dimly remembered past
3 days ago