Thursday, December 3, 2009

Building. Breaking. And, Building Again.

I had resolved in my last post that I won't write down anything anymore. Despite the long gap, and, despite the events that followed, that still holds. I will write about everything else. Just subtract one person from all of it. Delete one colour from life, in someone's language. What I write is what I think. I have decided t quit smoking a number of times, but I never wrote it anywhere, because I knew it was never strong enough. I remember how Jojo Da had publicly resolved to quit smoking months ago, and restarted it no sooner. When my resolution is strong enough, I'll make a public announcement too. No, not public. Textual, to be exact. My blog isn't public property, it's something very private. Very very private.
Okay, in a nutshell, whatever happened during my absence from online life, will be mentioned serially. Since I have to erase the "sense" from all of it, it will be pretty precise.
1. For the first time, I considered taking up short-story writing, since poetry doesn't have a market, and I don't have time enough for novels. Not yet, not before I stop being a student. Short-story writing...well, haven't tried anything yet. But, let's see. I am not going to give up poetry, I can't. I don't decide to rite them, the words just form in my mind. But, I won' publish any of them, as of now.
2. The much-awaited 1st year results came out. I never saw them. I have got the marksheet, but I haven't seen that too. I have heard my marks from two people respectively. I have secured just the pass mark, but surprisingly, I have passed in Computer Science, the paper which I actually submitted blank. Never mind, it was a miracle, both in a good way, and a bad way. It was unexpected. And I like unexpected things.
3. I am the "proud" owner of a touchphone now. Samsung Corby. My mother bought it for me. I wanted the money, not the phone. So, I'm more inclined to hate it. But, this is the first cell that has been bought by Mum, the first cell I can carry around, without feeling that it's illegal.
4. My computer showed me that it's frequency of mood fluctuations is not too lower than mine. It crashed, I formatted it, it crashed again, I formatted it again. And so on. Right now, it's been 2 hours since my 10/11th format in a month. Let's see, again.
5. I've read my much-dreamt-of A House For Mr. Biswas by V. S. Naipaul. I was disappointed.
6. I've read the much-acclaimed The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It was a disappoinment, in the sense that it didn't "affect" me. The person who asked me to read it, said that it was the best book he ever read, and he was convinced that it would chnag a few things about the way I look at life, etc. None of that happened. Arundhuti Roy's God Of Small Things still remain my best book ever.
7. Studies notwithstanding, I watched three movies consecutively last night. The first one was the best. Mumbai Meri Jaan. A not-so-well directed, a not-so-well shot film about a not-so-important-to-me issue. Yet, I loved it. It did have its desired effect on me. All I can say about the director is, he has learnt human psychology perfectly. I won't comment on his film-making skills, because it was alow budget film, so I dunno what constraints he might have had. Next I watched a horror film titled The Uninvited. A normal psycho-thriller. I realised during the movie, and after the movie, that I'm bored of horror films. I find the "fear factor" irritating. Last, I watched Snatch. It's Brad Pitt's much-acclaimed-by-Puspen movie. It was a smart movie, not too intense or effective. But I watched a completely unimaginable Brad Pitt. I can't compare him to my favourite, AL Pacino. But, I'm beginning to believe that he's an equally good actor. No, not good. GREAT!
8. I am very tempted to end this post with a personal touch. But I have to restrain myself to a permissible extent. I have had a lot of surprises of late, mostly from myself. When I am thinking that I am doing great, I'm not insecure, nothing, something unexpected happens gives me the same choking, shivering urge to scream. Oh yeah, I forgot that. I don't cry anymore. People cry out of sorrow. I don't feel sorrow anymore. I feel pain. And I do what people do out of pain. I scream. Actually,no, not unexpected things; pretty much expected things happen, but they "affect", because that's probably exactly what I had been scared of. I know how confusing I sound. That's why I didn't want to write anything. Damn.
9. Dear studies, please make me fall in love with you. She has come online. And....well...The End.

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