I have failed in achieving the target I had set for myself. I was supposed to finish a book by tonight. I haven't gone beyond a chapter. I decided to sleep and watch movies as much as I could. so that, I am so bored of it all, that I don't have any other option, but to study. New strategy. One that's very favorable to me (sarcasm to be noted). I'm very unlikely to be bored of watching movies, ever. Any of my well-wishers, if they knew, would say that if I complete my graduation, I can pursue film-making, and watch as many movies a day as I want to. But, then, this sort of philosophy is what I despise. I don't believe in postponing your desires, for the better. I think it's just giving yourself a poor excuse because you don't have the guts to do what to want. that brings me to the more important question of what do I want to do now? I took up economics at a college, a year ago. Did I want to? Yes, I did. I have no objections against economics, I love it, in fact. Then, now, why don't I study? Is it just that I need someone to make me sit down to study? Definitely not. Maybe, I discovered something that I love more than economics. That sort of thing always happens with me. So, what do I now if I love something more than economics? I still need to finish my graduation to achieve that. Let me work on it. Rambling about my academic dilemma is not what I wanted to do, when I opened this page. I knew I needed to write. I didn't, and I don't know what I want to write.
Yesterday, I watched a late night show of the recent Bollywood flick, Rocket Singh: Salesman Of The Year. It was a good one, given by the standards of our local audience. But, I found it a disappointing attempt to make one of those "something different" movies that has taken to our industry of late. Everything was very predictable in the movie, I knew what would happen next, and to my disappointment, that did happen. Anyway, I watched my first Collin Farell movie today afternoon: In Bruges. The guy is natural. I didn't feel I was watching a man, acting out a character, while watching him on the screen. I felt I was watching a live footage of a real chain of events. His facial expressions, his vocal expressions, his way of crying, everything seemed to be done as if he wasn't aware of the camera in front. I have to watch more of his movies to appreciate him fully. But I've heard he's compared to Brad Pitt, so my expectations are already high. Hope it doesn't ruin the final impression!
Christmas is round the corner. Except for Payal's absence, everything seems to be great. Sayak, Disha, Puspen, Sritama, and my cousin Picco are on. Our plan is to go to St. Paul's cathedral, and then Park street, where we'll have turkey and red wine for dinner. I have to add something more to the whole plan, to fill up the apparent empty spaces. I know what I want to add. (It's what I want everyone to do on Christmas, not what I want). But, I'm scared it might not turn out to be possible. I will make the preparations, and then surprise the others. Hence, not mentionable here! But, I know I will badly miss Payal, I am already missing her.
I had written "stop thinking" on my desktop notepad, a few days ago. It turns out that I have actually stopped thinking. Except for a few instances, when my nerves went out of control, I have been numb all throughout, all days.
I had been planning to go on a holiday this weekend, since a long time. But, now that Friday is only hours away, I have run out of money. And the farthest I can go, is to Durgapur, to my other family; that's where I inevitably go when I run out of money!
I am listening to a lot of music these days. Rupam's new album re-asserts the fact he is bad at music, he is great at lyrics.
I went to Disha's place today. We had a discussion about Kareena Kapoor's prospects of winning this year's award for the Best Actress. It's what it should be, we agreed. But, with all the commercial valuation going on about it, Katrina Kaif, the girl who doesn't even take acting seriously, will win it for any of the two silly performances in New York, or Ajab Prem Ki Ghajab Kahani. Konkona Sen Sharma might also win it for Wake Up Sid. Konkona is good, but she didn't have to act in Wake Up Sid. She was playing what she actually is. An ugly, yet "mature" girl (note the pun in quotes). I remembered watching a music video last night. It was the song Raat Ka Nashaa from the movie Asoka. When Kareena Kapoor's character was remembering the memories of love-making with Asoka, the expressions on her face, and more importantly, her body, were exactly exact! I wondered why I never noticed this actress before. I haven't watched a more exact performance of getting "aroused by memories", ever in my life.
Anyway, fingers crossed. We'll all go to watch the James Cameroon movie Avatar some day soon. As of now, the group includes Amrita from my class, Puspen, Sayak, and Puspen's friend Raunaq Sahu, and probably, Disha. This movie will be important to me in a way, I just have this feeling. I still don't see any reason why it should be of any importance to me at all! I am just scared of the prospect of going to watch it. That's the word. I am scared. I dunno why, if I knew, I wouldn't be scared anymore. But then, I have stopped thinking. So, I can't expect to know myself anymore. Everything comes with a price.
My daughter and Brigadier Gerard
10 hours ago