There's been a lot of discussion, both silent and aloud, going on about this dual nature of everything I have been talking about. I explained it to Gul, to Ma, to Neema...and more. Aah! Neema. Wait. I haven't been blogging, because I was busy. Yesterday morning, when my maid cleaned my room, and the empty beer bottles spilled out of my bed, I realized how the past one week has been for me. Can I call it fun? Is this my definition of fun? Boozing with people at my place? Yes, and No. The dual nature, you see! It's as much fun as it isn't. I'll simplify myself. It is fun, because I know this is what I have been proposing to do every time a guy/girl told me that he's bored, he wants me to have some fun with him. It's not fun, because, definitely, I would enjoy a joy-ride in a ferris-wheel more than getting drunk every night!
I got a beautiful message today. After a long time, I got a forwarded message, that I felt like forwarding to others. Here it goes, with my corrections:
While a man was polishing his new car, his 4-year old son, picked a stone, and scratched lines on one side of the car. Furious, the man took the child's hand, and kept hitting it, and hitting it.
Not realizing, that he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers, due to multiple fractures.
When the kid saw his father, with painful eyes, he asked, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"
The man was speechless with sorrow. He went back to his car, and kicked it hysterically, as long as he could. Then, exhausted, he sat by the car, and his eyes fell on the scratches his son had made. The following was untidily etched:
I LOVE YOU DAD
The next day, the man killed himself.
Anger and love, have no limits. Things, are to be used. And people, are to be loved. But today, people are used, and things are loved.
It was a 6-page long SMS, in case you are wondering.
Not that I entirely agree, or something. But it was good.
The last few days saw me having high rushes of adrenaline at odd times. That is good, in a way, because that gives you the excuse to be rude (and straightforward) with people. I did that with Neema, twice, in the last few days. I have been diplomatic, according to Sayak, and finally convinced her that, what actually is broken beyond repair, is in one piece! She will exist henceforth, in my life, like Payal will too, after last night. Sritama's place will be different, a little higher: I hope so.
Payal's exams ended, and I met her. I was under the impression that I have missed her badly all these days. And when I met her, my illusions were removed. One good thing about all of it is that, right now, there's no one on earth who knows the truth. Not even Sayak, not even Disha. No one knows the entire truth. They know bits and pieces. and Payal doesn't really care, so she doesn't need to know the bits and pieces too. No one on earth knows ME at the moment. I should be glad, and feel powerful therefore. But, I am having other contradictory feelings too, which are far from making me glad. Dual nature!
Something happened for the first time today. Ma had come to Kolkata. I told her I want to meet her. I did. When I saw her off at Esplanade, I was feeling good, despite the eternal quarrel that we had. I won't call it a quarrel. She got upset about me, the moment she saw me. And I was trying to calm her down, and amuse her. We had a good time, actually.
Anyway, the New Year plans are very dicey at the moment. I guess the best thing for me to do will be to stay at Kolkata, in case, someone needs something. But then staying indoors all day, at Durgapur isn't too bad an idea!
My daughter and Brigadier Gerard
10 hours ago