I had read this quote years ago : "You can't marry the person you love, and you can't love the person you marry". I was a love-bitten troubled teenager then. I thought to myself, yeah, that must be so right. Years later, today, after being in and out of relationships, in and out of love, in and out of family, in and out of friends circles, and all of that, innumerably, I think differently. I know that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I know that I can say "I love you" to anyone; but I can say "I'm in love with you", to one person only, the one person I'm attracted to and I'm in love with, too. So, I think, it's quite possible to love the person you marry. Even if it's an arranged marriage, the more the time you spend together, the more you start getting used to his/her presence, and the more the dependence, in short, more the love. Attraction? That depends on a various other factors. That's one issue over which I have felt being possessive in a relationship is justified. If you never allow your spouse to meet new people, or interact with new people, there's comparatively less possibilty that he/she might get attracted to someone else, and have an extra-marital affair. What one must remember is that attraction has very little to do with love. The laws of attraction often defy the laws of love. I'm not asking you to watch those movies on extra-marital relations, where the "off-track" spouse eventually returns to the "family", for the sake of love, children etc. I'm asking you to imagine yourself in the accused person's shoes. You might be in a happy and healthy relationship with someone, when you meet someone, who is like no one you've ever met before. Is it your fault? No. Is it your relationship's fault, that couldn't keep you committed? You should know, that the answer is no. Destiny is, as you shape it. But there are few things that are beyond your grasp, your mind-power. So, love always exists, no matter how troubled or less-happening a relationship might be. Love breeds with time, and attraction is an accessory to love in such cases. So, there's no need to feel that love-marriages are better than arranged marriages. If you are in love, and you can marry the person you love, of course, you should. Parents do agree with time ("time" might refer to a decade as well as a week), even the so called "society", which is treated as a fearful entity, consists of mere human beings, who, eventually forget their differences in their own course of life. So, I have nothing against love marriages. But, if you're not in love, or you can't marry the person you love for personal or impersonal reasons, you shouldn't have any problems with arranged marriages. Marriage, after all, is a way of mankind to keep itself going. Marriage isn't a necessity, not with the world already being over-populated. But marriage isn't something to be scared of. Not even if it's arranged. It's just about having one more friend, who can be more than a friend!
9 comments:
Hmm... i really liked your Article. If you take my personal opinion though love is the undisputable secret of a happy marriage,theres something else too, its called COMPROMISATION.I personally prefer arranged marriage to love marriage,cause you dont compromise with the person you love, you demand ! but an unwritten law of arranged marriage is that you adjust with your partner,thats what makes life beautiful isnt it?
"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry."Love is a dream and marriage is just an extension of this dream to reality.When both dream and reality comes together, it is the best thing that can ever happen to a person.Arranged marriage according to me is much of an implied relationship,where you have to "love" the person you are getting married to.There's no other way.There's no other choice.And as far as the so called "compromisation" or "adjustment"is considered,I personally feel I can't compromise or adjust to that extent for the person for whom I don't feel a thing,or for the person with whom (in your words,)i am not in love with.But,I will be ready for any amount of and any kind of compromisations for the person whom I'm in love with,to make him happy,to keep him happy.Marrying the person you love is just like taking a step ahead in life and strengthening the already strong relationship, with commitment and efforts.Well,having said all these,theres something else which i must admit,that is, Love marriage can be the best thing that can happen to anyone, only if there is effort and commitment from both the sides, but if either of the two lacks this, it can be one of the most difficult of relationships to maintain and tiffs are bound to occur.
Arranged marriages are scary... probably more so if ur the girl... I dunno how people go into it. I would just die.
I really feel amused how people live in some world of utopia ,where love is a dream and and marriage is just an extension of this dream to reality.
Firstly, there's no word such as "compromistation"; "compromise" is itself the noun form. Anyway, GB Shaw said that incorrect English is more appealing than correct English, so I shouldn't point this out. Secondly, I think Sayantani already said it, there's no scope for "demand" in love, believe me Soham. It's compromises in love too, and the compromises in love are more willingly made. You constantly try to make the larger number of sacrifices than your partner, thus making the "relationship" better. Arranged marriages are "relationships too, and thus there are compromises too, but they are made for the sake of peace, and not because you are "dying to show your love". There is a difference.
Both are beautiful, in their own way. I have seen both kind of couples, I thin both are beautiful (unless one has a extra-marital affair that had started before the marriage!)
And Sayantani, what I wanted to say is that, even if you marry "an arranged guy", you will fall in love with him in course of time, and you will start feeling for him, in course of time, so you'll start making compromises gladly then! Love can come after marriage, I know that from my parents. ;-)
Soham, it's just the way you want to see things. We are contented with the belief that love is a grossly over-rated hardly-existent emotion. If the utopian belief that love is a dream and marriage is an extension of that dream, keeps someone happy and contented, allow it too. Everyone isn't as critically and analytically thoughful like us!! ;-)
@Crowsciousness, yeah it's scary, might be. But it might be otherwise too. We see both the types in movies!
sorry for the english .
A good attempt to put marriage and all related emotions in a nut shell.I personally believe that more than love or any compromise its the respect n the sense of caring matters the most in a relation.
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