Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Post-Blues-Bliss

Ah, happiness tastes so great when it comes after intense sorrow!
Okay, let me start where I left off. I'm just back from a weekend at Durgapur. A torturous one, at that. No, don't be surprised. The visits to Durgapur, my home, are always torturous. My 'family' gets suicidal at self-fabricated meaningless crap-like issues. My brother, the only reason why I smile when I do, the only reason why I am still alive, the only reason, why I go to Durgapur at all, is there, his ICSE starting in a week. I wish I could bring him here with me. But, I know that would only worsen things beyond repair! Anyway, this visit's special characteristic was, that, for the first time, I was scared for him. I was scared that my brother isn't safe there, with pathetic psychopaths for company all day. Anyway, we had our own happy moments, the chicken-patty-cum-chocolate feast on the first evening and the "toilet song" downloading on the second evening. I had few teary moments, except the one on the first night, because, I went off to sleep everytime 'things' started.
I had a realisation on the first night, for the umpteenth time, of course...there is a difference between pre-recorded MP3 music and songs sung to me by certain people. Rupam numbers, by Puspen. Most english songs, by Tiyash. Asoka's Roshni Se number by Disha. And, yeah, almost all songs by Disha. Her voice adapts to all indian music quite easily. Puspen and Rupam go together, for me. So, I just can't risk asking anyone else to sing Ekla Ghar to me!
Anyway, I didn't have anyone singing lullabies to me that night. On the second night, I listened to Whisky Lullaby, by Braid Paisley and Alison Krauss. Gaurav had given that to me during Xavotsav, i.e., the last week of January. Finally, I heard it. And I loved it. It described a suicide in a beautiful way. Bro said I love all depressing songs. No, that, is certainly, not true! Though, I can't find a depressing song now that I didn't like.
Ok, I had oats for the first time. Though I'd heard it is awful, I loved it. Maybe, I like that kinda taste...or maybe, for a change, it was prepared better at my home!
I had rabri too. Oh, yes, it wasn't entirely depressing, I had my share of happy moments, I'm telling you. But, the happiness wasn't BIG enough to overshadow the ugly moments.
Anyway, after I'd left home today, in a rush, I just realised that I didn't bid Bye to Dida before leaving. Somehow, that brought a lump in my throat, under the scorching afternoon sun, on the dusty lonely road, I had to squint and make a face to swallow the lump. I called her up and apologised a while later. In spite of all the hatred and indifference, there's a bit of 'care', a bit of 'longing' at times. Is that love? I wish not.
The bus journey was torturous again, the amn beside had dandruff, yeah much much more than me, else I wouldn't be complaining. He slept with his head on my arm all throughout. He was shorter, hence my arm. Whenever I removed my arm, he just comfortably shifted he head to my chest. On contrasting circumstances, this would have buoyed me up, making me feel fatherly! But his dandruff enraged me to such an extent, that, I found myself contemplating the consequences of my banging his head on the seat before! Forgive me for that.
My studies are progressing, slowly again. I have given up. It's impossible to pass in this exam. Even if I start working hard. I've given up. 
Anyway, coming back to Kolkata, I celebrated my acquisition of money, by recharging my Vodafone number with 444. I bought 3 packs of Gold Flake. AAHH, my brand, after 10 long days. I bought a handsfree for my Sony Ericsson phone, at 100 bucks. The best part is that, it's an original one! I got it at 1/15th the original price. That's why I'm happy.


5 comments:

nikita said...

Twisha, you know what i love about your blog, it's very close to the heart. You write things so frankly that I cannot help but adore you. I am quite sure i would not have been able to portray my true self so well on a public site. you have always known to be different and i am proud of that. So no matter what people say, and even though you consider of not having friends or getiting into relationships, i respect your feelings.

Twisha Mukherjee said...

don't you think there's a bit of arrogance involved? I use my blog to justify all that I do, I use it to tell people that I'm on the right always. Every wrong that I do, (since you read my blog, you know every flaw in me) is presented herein in such a way that people can't blame me. I removed the blog link from Orkut, because I am ashamed of it.

nikita said...

when you do something right from your heart you should not be ashamed of it. i may sound like a moral science teacher but the truth is many people including myself feel or think of many things which may be scoffed at when said to others. but when you have mustered enough courage to reveal things on a public site, i guess it would be cowardly to now say that you are ashamed of your blog. you don't know but you may be inspiring someone at the other corner of the globe!! good luck, carry on your good work.

Twisha Mukherjee said...

I wrote stuff on my blog that made other people concerned uncomfortable. That's why I developed that "ashamed of my blog" attitude. It was a series of unpleasant events in their lives, which resulted them to blame my blog for all of it. So I removed the link from Orkut. I couldn't stop writing, I stopped making it available to people. I dunno what's wrong and what's right. An unpleasant event happened just yesterday, regarding the first comment of yours on this post. Will tell you about it later, or maybe never. It seems I have associated YOU with someone you don't want to be associated with, and yet you haven't scolded me for doing so. I got scolded, though.

Twisha Mukherjee said...

Do you think I should be less explicit?

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