Okay, let me start where I left off. I'm just back from a weekend at Durgapur. A torturous one, at that. No, don't be surprised. The visits to Durgapur, my home, are always torturous. My 'family' gets suicidal at self-fabricated meaningless crap-like issues. My brother, the only reason why I smile when I do, the only reason why I am still alive, the only reason, why I go to Durgapur at all, is there, his ICSE starting in a week. I wish I could bring him here with me. But, I know that would only worsen things beyond repair! Anyway, this visit's special characteristic was, that, for the first time, I was scared for him. I was scared that my brother isn't safe there, with pathetic psychopaths for company all day. Anyway, we had our own happy moments, the chicken-patty-cum-chocolate feast on the first evening and the "toilet song" downloading on the second evening. I had few teary moments, except the one on the first night, because, I went off to sleep everytime 'things' started.
I had a realisation on the first night, for the umpteenth time, of course...there is a difference between pre-recorded MP3 music and songs sung to me by certain people. Rupam numbers, by Puspen. Most english songs, by Tiyash. Asoka's Roshni Se number by Disha. And, yeah, almost all songs by Disha. Her voice adapts to all indian music quite easily. Puspen and Rupam go together, for me. So, I just can't risk asking anyone else to sing Ekla Ghar to me!
Anyway, I didn't have anyone singing lullabies to me that night. On the second night, I listened to Whisky Lullaby, by Braid Paisley and Alison Krauss. Gaurav had given that to me during Xavotsav, i.e., the last week of January. Finally, I heard it. And I loved it. It described a suicide in a beautiful way. Bro said I love all depressing songs. No, that, is certainly, not true! Though, I can't find a depressing song now that I didn't like.
Ok, I had oats for the first time. Though I'd heard it is awful, I loved it. Maybe, I like that kinda taste...or maybe, for a change, it was prepared better at my home!
I had rabri too. Oh, yes, it wasn't entirely depressing, I had my share of happy moments, I'm telling you. But, the happiness wasn't BIG enough to overshadow the ugly moments.
Anyway, after I'd left home today, in a rush, I just realised that I didn't bid Bye to Dida before leaving. Somehow, that brought a lump in my throat, under the scorching afternoon sun, on the dusty lonely road, I had to squint and make a face to swallow the lump. I called her up and apologised a while later. In spite of all the hatred and indifference, there's a bit of 'care', a bit of 'longing' at times. Is that love? I wish not.
The bus journey was torturous again, the amn beside had dandruff, yeah much much more than me, else I wouldn't be complaining. He slept with his head on my arm all throughout. He was shorter, hence my arm. Whenever I removed my arm, he just comfortably shifted he head to my chest. On contrasting circumstances, this would have buoyed me up, making me feel fatherly! But his dandruff enraged me to such an extent, that, I found myself contemplating the consequences of my banging his head on the seat before! Forgive me for that.
My studies are progressing, slowly again. I have given up. It's impossible to pass in this exam. Even if I start working hard. I've given up.
Anyway, coming back to Kolkata, I celebrated my acquisition of money, by recharging my Vodafone number with 444. I bought 3 packs of Gold Flake. AAHH, my brand, after 10 long days. I bought a handsfree for my Sony Ericsson phone, at 100 bucks. The best part is that, it's an original one! I got it at 1/15th the original price. That's why I'm happy.