It's difficult, but not impossible to subtract all the "censored" things from the entire day, and find and write the rest. 24 hours is long. I'll try. I'll start off where I had left a few minutes ago.
Sritama had called, yeah, and now I'm feeling numb again. And feeling NUMB is 10 times better than feeling BAD. I'm still having a lump in the throat, but I'm calm. The thing, that I was thinking on the way back home today, is that if I have ever had any dream , it was to have a sad death. I remember Aavriti had once asked me my secret dream, and I had told her that I wanted to be on an island, all alone, like Robinson Crusoe. There should be white sands and dark blue sea, but I should be alone. So that I am sad, and things are better and more beautiful when you are sad. Like sad songs are mostly the best kind of music. I want to be sad. So now that I am sad, I should be happy. I should be glad that whatever's happening, is happening.
Sritama and Shauvik's stories are their private things, which I won't mention. Anyway, Shauvik said he's committed with Aadhya, she's the girl from Ahmedabad whom I liked! The other girl Disha was friendlier, so Aadhya seemed more attractive. Anyway, nothing matters. Even Tashi's missed calls don't matter really.
I told Sritama that I really want to go to Delhi, so if my results are out, and not too bad, I'll be in Delhi in the first week of December. I will spend at least one moment of my birthday in front of the India Gate. She said that would be great, and I shouldn't worry about the excuses, because her college fest is around that time! Let's see if I have the mood or the money! I once nearly cried while talking to her about Delhi, but I made it up. She was asking me if I would mind if she was with me on my birthday, and I said a genuine yes. I cried, remembering my previous birthday, and the previous plans for this year's birthday. The chocolate cake, etc. Sritama didn't suspect that I'm close to tears (my acting skills are slowly improving, but I had to tell her to make her believe that I genuinely want her to be there. I know I don't feel anything for Sritama, but she means a damn lot to me.
I was talking to Oxy today morning. Oh, won't refer to her as Oxy anymore. That was the name WE used to use. Oindrilla Mitra. The girl whom Apurva from USA had sort or "referred to me". I know I make it sound like a project. But when you can't get your ex out of your mind, dating other girls is impossible, and unless I make it sound like a project, it won't work. Anyway, Oindrilla, alias Gul, is a very nice person. I haven't met her yet, and I'm in no hurry. I like talking to her. It doesn't mean that I feel like talking to her all the time, or that I miss her when I'm not talking to her. I just send her texts once in a while, and she replies, and our textual chats are not boring. Anyway, we made this deal that she'd talk in Bengali, and me in Hindi (to develop our respective linguistic skills). After a while, both of us were exhausted from the effort! It was nice, it made me smile for sometime. Anyway, I've got some idea about where Princep Ghat is, so now, I can go to meet Gul there, when she goes for horse-riding early dawn. That's because she has an immense academic pressure, and she can't manage to meet me otherwise.
Saugata had called, and mocked me about complaining that I don't have a girlfriend, when I have someone whom I talk to every night. I told him that things have changed after I returned from Delhi, and I'll tell him the details when we meet for the theatre thing on Friday.
I want to ask Picco to come today, but I have to study; I have already wasted the whole day again! It's difficult, but not impossible!
Sign of the times
1 week ago